In other words what is marriage by faith life really like.
This is a general overview of married life in UBF. This is mainly focused on natives.
This is a follow-up to the marriage by faith articles that I made with the help of ex-member whom were and/or still married.
Marriage by faith process: https://www.ubinformed.com/ubinformed/how-marriage-by-faith-actually-works
Marriage by faith matchmaking: https://www.ubinformed.com/ubinformed/how-does-your-shepherd-missionary-really-know-who-god-wants-you-to-marry
You, the newbie, are probably thinking: "I'll have a suitable helper and together we will be missionaries and pioneer another country" This is the propaganda that the UBF leaders feed you. This never happen to natives.
Here's the true purpose of marriage by faith:
" Working out problems was usually quite difficult for two people who had been forced/coerced/manipulated into a loveless marriage. But in UBF it seemed to be more difficult because the couple’s leader, usually the chapter director or his wife, was part of their marriage. The difficult, but frequent case is when one partner has estranged from UBF and wants to leave, while the other one is still deeply indoctrinated and loyal – UBF often deliberately makes such unbalanced arrangements in order to bind the less loyal member to UBF through the more loyal member. That’s the chapter director’s (missionaries) true goal. "-- Source: http://ubfriends.net/ubfriends2015/how-to-leave-ubf-for-good-ubf-married-couples/
To expand/explain the goal of the UBF "missionaries" is to have married by faith couples always under under the UBF "missionary's" shadow forever and have the married couples bring future couples under the UBF "missionary's" shadow as well in addition to the married couples becoming yes men/women.
After you share your marriage testimony the Sunday after your honeymoon then the marriage by faith life begins.
To paraphrase Mr.K's words "Marriage in UBF is when the abuse really begins."
Sundays become Alldays:
Every Sunday married couples are to attend a meeting every Sunday after Sunday service. Even if the UBF has a conference there is still a meeting on Sunday.
When you ask a married shepherd about the Sunday meeting they will not tell you anything or at most be half truthful and say that they are having bible studies with the UBF "missionary". (Sidenote: once married in UBF the UBF "missionary" becomes your shepherd unless the "missionary" was already your shepherd.)
What are the meetings about? The majority of the meetings 85-90% are about preparing/arranging for future marriage by faiths. The other 10-15% are about:
- When a crisis/exodus happens
-how to cover/bury abuse, criminal activity, and any other wrong doing in the church
-how to silence those who speak out against UBF online
-making preparations for the next UBF bible conference
-preparing for holiday services
-gathering intel on lower rank members and new sheep by spying
To expand on the last point you are pressured and/or given the direction to spy on your co-worker. See the thing is that the married shepherd and their co-worker are suitable helpers but not to each other (meaning they are not suitable helpers to their spouse). But are actually a suitable helper to the UBF "missionary" that's the catch.
As married couples you are given more duties/responsibilities. One of them is helping to prepare for the conference. For that you are to find suitable symposium and message speakers and train them. Also if the church is unable to secure the location with the minimum amount of attendees there is an extra fee to secure the location. Guess what you, the married shepherd, have to pay the extra fee. This is why around conference time the married shepherds get panicky and nagging their sheep to bring people to the conference. The married shepherd don't want to pay extra not out stinginess but because they already have alot on their plate. Some other things the married shepherd has to do are: cooking for Friday night, taking care of the UBF "missionary's" domestic duties, cleaning the church just to name a few.
Your "missionary-shepherd" excepts you to go to those meetings and perform those duties in addition to fishing, bible study, etc. They will not take NO for an answer. They won't except any excuses. The only ways you can be exempt from meetings and duties is if you are drafted in the army or if you get a broken leg. That's it. If the married shepherdess is pregnant they are still expect to attend the Sunday meeting and do some of their duties (unless their water breaks or are in labor).
If you say no, refuse, or stop going to the meetings and doing your duties once and/or continuously the following will happen (the same for bible conferences):
-You will get rebuked
-You will receive (dead-dog) training usually something wacky like raking leaves
-UBF "missionary" will literally and figuratively put distance between you and your spouse.
-Worst case scenario your UBF "missionary" will threatened to divorce you and your spouse
Married Shepherds are NOT allowed to bring their young children (pre-adolescence) to the meeting and when you are during your church duties. Your "missionary" expects you to find a babysitter on your own. The "missionary" or UBF will not provide babysitter service or reference a babysitter. They don't want you to be "family-centered".
If married shepherds are struggling financially or are in debt your UBF "missionary" will not provide financial support. This is messed up because UBF "missionaries" provide financial support to each other.
In fact it is because of what this lifestyle entails that marriages in UBF become destroyed or near destruction. Check out Andrew Martin's book The Year the World Ended https://www.amazon.com/Year-World-Ended-revised-finding-ebook/dp/B00T3BVT7K/ref=pd_ybh_a_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=G8XRCZ970ZSZZA07QZZ3
It is one of these reasons/factors that makes it difficult for married couples to raise families. UBF "missionaries" wanted the married shepherd to have then mentality of a college student that doesn't no better and needs a "shepherd"
"When both husband and wife are deemed “strong”. [By strong meaning independent and self reliant.] In that case ubf abandons your family until one or both become “weak”. [Because the UBF "missionaries" want the married couples to be dependent on them and rely on them.]
" If both the husband and the wife attend all meetings and “keep up appearances” then you start flying under the radar. The missionaries take you for granted and basically leave you alone." Basically this is the only breather you will ever get in married life in UBF.
Additional notes:
-Married Shepherd may on occasion get random calls from your UBF "missionary" whether its a meeting or to do something.
-Married Shepherd may get chosen to go on a missions trip or be staff shepherd(which they get to travel to different UBF chapters around the world). Like I mentioned earlier you don't get financial support and are expect to pay your ticket, food, and other necessities.
-You are not allowed to take a vacation nor time off of your UBF duties/activities. The only "vacation" you get is your honeymoon.
If you are not married in UBF don't get married. Leave as soon as possible is recommended.
If you are a married couple highly recommend leave (with your children if you have any). http://ubfriends.net/ubfriends2015/how-to-leave-ubf-for-good-ubf-married-couples/
Is there anything I miss? Is there anything that needs to be added? Have I made a mistake(s) in this post? Comment below
Thank you Mr. K for your commentary